User blog:Angella (Loves Eclaire)/Meghan Goldsworthy pt 10
Next Wednesday I was home, finally, after the worst week of my life. Withdraw had been the hardest thing I had ever done, the first time. The second time was if possible, just a million times worse, and it was just the beginning. I was in my room, reading, and glad to be home from the hospital. I was glad not to be being pumped full of meds. Adam, Eli, and Clare had been there almost every second, playing cards, and helping me to the bathroom to be sick. “Are you ok?” Eli said, looking up from his book. He was sitting in the chair in my room. As a recovering heroin addict, even though it wasn’t my fault, I was not to be left alone, even for a second. There was a sleeping bag on the floor. It was ok though, I didn’t even trust myself. I had caught a glimpse of myself in a mirror. Weight that I had worked so hard to earn back, all of it was gone. I looked scary, my eyes were dark circles, I was so skinny it looked like I was going to break. But that was only on the outside. Inside it was a struggle ever waking second, and there were way too many of them in one day. “No,” I said. I jumped up and ran. After throwing up in the bathroom trash can. I just sat on the floor, shaking. My arm hurt. Eli leaned against the door frame, but then he helped me up. “Thanks.” I hated what I was doing to my family. Eli especially, he blamed himself for all of this even starting. He normally didn’t display much emotion, but I knew him well enough. Adam had all but been dragged home; his mom thought I was disgusting. She had come to get Adam one day; the look on her face all but shouted what she thought of me. When she left I had promptly broke down crying, but I blamed part of that on the meds. Clare, had all but moved in with us, I never appreciated her as much. She had even convinced her parents to let her with us from Fridays to Mondays, so my family could get some rest. I only wish I could rest. “What time is it?” I asked him, once we were back in my room. He looked at his watch, but didn’t say anything. “Eli…” “Eleven thirty,” He said, “Look you’re going to be ok. You don’t have to take them if you don’t want to.” “I’m not tired, I’m wide awake!” I shouted. Ever since, I hadn’t been able to sleep, even if I got tired I could not close my eyes. Part of me didn’t was to, what if I couldn’t wake up. I had been prescribed sleeping pills, which knocked me out and only made me feel sick. They were so strong, that it made me feel half dead all the time. I hated feeling like I hadn’t even quit the heroin. I reached and grabbed the little bottle and shook a small white pill into my hand. I hadn’t taken one the night before, and I still wasn’t tired two days, without sleep. Each night without sleep was a bunch more hours laying there, trying not to think about Fitz and what he had done to me, but even sleep didn’t stop the nightmares. I popped the pill into my mouth; Eli was looking at me waiting for me to fall asleep. I was coming, I lay down trying to say goodnight before the darkness covered my eyes. Category:Blog posts